Konnichiwa minna-san~ Welcome to the April 2026 edition of this blog! Click here to continue!
It's a brand new month of the year. I don't know if you've noticed but I've decided to place my rants officially on Patreon. My posts will be public for a week before I place them on paid members only.
Lately, I've been practicing with solitaire. It was one of the first games that was on my original pc back in the 90s. I couldn't play it then but recently, I've been trying to play it. I passed it one time. I am going to keep going. Maybe I can win some money doing this.
I like this image of Google's support of Nasa.
It's giving 70s!!
My brother told me it was raining but the sun was out. So you know me, I was out in it! Not really, just my hands, arms, legs and feet. And it felt wonderful. I should have gotten in it for purification. I've been so stressed out and depressed.
4/2 Today, after our errand run, Mom and I went to the local casino. I won a little money but she won more. I'm happy for her. I'm going to win big and more one day. A black security guard gave me twenty dollars to play. I didn't win anything on it, just five dollars I will use to get myself a burger one day. lol
Mom got me an anime book.
I love the stickers in it. I am going to attempt to draw out of it instead of coloring it.4/3 Video Game of the Evening- Radiolight
I have to say that I really enjoyed this game! The setting is the 80s just like I predicted from the lack of cell phones and the vibe only to find out I was right! This game reminds me of what I saw on Youtube about the child who went missing in the forest decades ago. They thought it was a sasquatch to even time travel. I even watched one about a lady who was screaming for help while the search and rescue were looking for her but they didn't hear her. That's basically what this game was about to. I loved the music. This game definitely kept me wanting to learn more. The ending was quite the twist. I kinda sensed that he would be stuck in another dimension. At first, I thought the demon was a wendigo. The woods can be spooky. Take this as someone who lives out in the woods. Shiet, I ain't staying out too late! There was a poll on Bing asking if you would explore a mountain hike or coastal trails. I chose coastal lines and a lot of others did too.
4/4 Another rainy day. I've cut some of my new fabric. I am doing Japanese themed hair bows but I have a couple of Chinese ones to make too.
4/5 Happy Easter minna-san~๐ฅ๐ Having a dream with both my brother and father in it, definitely stirred my emotions.
I was bored and looked up if I can have male brides men instead of female brides women. Turns out, I can! That's exactly what I want to do! I don't know why I looked this up. Years ago, I created my own wedding dress.
Japanese Movie of the Evening- High And Low (1963)
This movie was dark... Denzel Washington remade this movie. The actors got me wanting to check out old school samurai movies. The ending had me confused. I liked others opinions that it should have been Gondo who set it up or that the kidnapper was his child from a previous marriage. I also like the implication of heaven being where he lived up high and rich and hell, where the others were poor and at the bottom. The kidnapper was in a way, reminding him that he could loose it all and end up at the bottom where he is. Reminds me of how I feel about Black folks with money. Good ideas.
4/6 It is Castle Day in Japan.
Absolutely gorgeous!
Been busting my ＊ss all day on my studies. Earlier this month, I've been editing and working on my stories.
4/7 I saw this on Japanese X/Twitter earlier this morning:
According to philosophy, the highest form of peace seems to be having absolutely no desire to be understood, praised, sympathized with, or even known.
https://newsbrewing.net/philosophy
・The moment you feel like it’s okay not to be known by anyone, you’ll probably feel an insane amount of freedom
・In the end, it’s because I’m worried about others’ eyes that my heart can’t find any rest
・As long as you’re seeking something from the outside, true peace will never come
・Whether you perceive this as “lonely” or “peaceful” changes the resolution of your entire life
・If you reach that state, you’ll probably transcend humanity and become a Buddha
I can so relate to this!! I've been seeing the word 'lonely' a lot lately. I've been lonely my entire life. I've learned to cope with it until I started losing family members. That's when real loneliness came along. I have my step sister and it feels good to have someone in my corner. I miss talking to my step brother and Dad so much. I'm proud of myself for not shopping anymore. No more clothes for me. I had to ask myself; why buy these clothes when I have no where to go to? I think shopping was another mechanism for my depression. I'd get these clothes and just put them to the side. And they'll be in my closet for years. I've had clothes in there I hadn't worn in over fifteen years.
4/8 Bi polar just like the bi polar people down here. I've decided, I am going to buy another laptop. Not now, but once I return to work. I love my ASUS but I think the laptop is old. I don't trust purchasing electronics from retailers because they will keep old electronics in the back. I'm thinking about replacing my AIO HP pc too.
4/9 Japanese Movie of the Night- Blazing Fists
I had to see this! I love a good ＊ss kicking movie! Plus, it is directed by Takashi Miike!! This movie reminded me of Crows Zero(he also directed that). Even the ending reminded me of it. Also, one of the stars from the first film, is in this and mentioned 'we've met before.' What does that mean? I didn't know GACKT's fine anime vampire looking ＊ss was in this! I keep forgetting he's Okinawan(just like the guy I liked twenty-one years ago).
4/10 I ain't even gone discuss that dream I had about one of those fine Japanese wrestlers on GLEAT. Wooo!! And speaking of Japanese, I've noticed that there are more events going on in Texas than here in Louisiana. Also, speaking of Louisiana, I had to look up where people are leaving to. Since they've vetoed the minimum wage rise. I know a lot of people have moved to Texas. I don't really want to move to Texas and I don't like the Negroes out there. I wish I knew where the others were going so I can grab onto their bumpers. I know a lot of New Orleanians folks left for Colorado when Hurricane Katrina destroyed their city. I saw another empty new house in my town. I don't understand why people move down here anyway, I know the Blacks are being pushed down south so the other minorities and Whites live in the more expensive states like California, Nevada and etc. I would love to move out West because it's more diverse, more jobs, more attractive men and higher wages. I've been hearing folks saying Las Vegas is over, California is done but if you had to choose between those places and here, what would you choose?
But Fox News has its viewers believing Mississippi is a better place to live than California ๐๐๐ -reddit user
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I've been reading my Japanese books. I need to start doing this every evening after I'm done with my online work. I mean, how am I going to finish my books if I don't continue with my research? lol
4/11 Damn, where is the sun??? I had a dream yesterday morning about a person I know. It took me later on last night to realize what that dream meant. 'I am being strung along.' Perhaps that's why I keep seeing 444 A LOT! I mean non-stop! Is this what they are protecting me from? Probably why my Japanese associate is back in my life, possibly as a reminder of what I need to focus on. Those numbers are trying to keep me on the right track. It's a lot to digest with this one but I understand now. I have been thinking this but was in denial for years about it. I'll get the last laugh in the end. These people will never be happy.
I came across this actor on this movie on tv. I know, what's a tv?
And he's Korean!
4/13 Today, I started on the bows. I completely forgot about the bows from months ago that I have yet to put the charms on. So yeah, I am going to be super busy in conjunction with the online studies I have to do. It's all about the $$$ for me! I watched the first part of AEW Dynasty just to see Takeshita and Okada. I had fun watching but all I could think about is choo coo. LMAO
4/14 One of my junior high school teachers passed away. I remember when she had the school supply drive and I slipped into her house(or she gave me permission to do so) and watched WWF Sunday Night Heat because Dad had our cable taken off. She got one of my classmates expelled. Then my ex best friend and her Mom couldn't stand her, even complained to my Mom about her. LMAO Looking back at it, that b＊tch(ex bff) deserved it because of her colorist and r＊cist her family is. They thought this Creole lady was going to treat them the way they treat them and they got a rude awakening. It's what they deserve but RIP teach!
4/15
I thought this was beautiful! I love their castles!
I talked to my brother this morning and he mentioned a term I've been mentioning since last year about this city. Dead. I've been telling Mom this for months. It's dead around here. No one is walking, sirens everywhere and the people are awful as usual(nothing new). There's more exciting things going on everywhere else but here.
I finished watching Shadow Warriors. Wow, what a ride this was! It seems like from the five of them, only the actors who played Kiheiij, Okiri and Hyroukou are still living. I tried to find season two but couldn't.
4/16 I went to Crapmart for errands for Mom. I picked up this Hello Kitty pants.
These match the t-shirt I purchased last year in this
post.
I added the barrette bases to the bows. Whew was it getting hot in my room! I'll have to start on the small bows another time as I'm out of gold barrettes. I might just use the silver ones.
Can I say something? I've noticed the vibe being odd today. Folks were being respectful, moving out of the way for me to walk my buggy, stopping to let me pass, turning back to look at me. It was weird. Never had a day like this before. I wore my hair in an afro and my esoteric clothing and jewelry that I got from Walmart(not the one in my town). This is why I can't really relate to the natural hair police online. I'm still able to get attention despite having dry puffy hair. They are still having this discourse so many years later and I'm like look, if you look good, confident you'll get attention regardless if it's straightened, natural or a weave. It's hard to do so, when you have a community of majority ugly people who think they're qualified to determine somebody's worth!
4/17 Today, I am finished with most of the hair bows. Whew, my thumb is on fire right now! That's about thirty hair bows! I don't know how I did it! I've noticed that since I've been doing my bows, I do them with my glasses off. I've gotten comfortable with removing my glasses. So far, haven't had any migraines. Probably because I'm not straining my eyes.
4/18 I finished my bows. Damn, that E6000 glue is toxic as hell! I hate to even use that sh＊t because the scent is heavy! This morning, I learned that obnoxious classmate's mother's grandmother passed away. Condolences to the family. Hopefully, when she seems me again, she'll have a more pleasant and mature way of speaking to me. Because that weird ＊ss compliment on my hips was very inappropriate.
4/20 I spent the morning and afternoon reading my book. I've gotten so many ideas for my book. I did a little editing to my store.
4/21 I worked on the hairbow for my hair. Mom loved it. I will wear it with that yukata I purchased a month ago. Oh yeah, I did finish all of my hairbows. Success!
4/23 I have been super depressed since yesterday evening. I remember just lying in bed thinking about stuff and trying to sort some things out in my head. I had been talking to that Japanese guy who sold me that yukata. I have to say it felt good talking to a Japanese guy since the last time I communicated with one was in 2008, maybe 2010. Even though it was mostly about my admiration for Japanese culture, it just felt good having someone to talk to. It's so much sh＊t going on, the news is depressing as hell, my life is just as depressing. I hate to admit that I feel like I don't know what to do anymore... Isn't it ironic that Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa is the first face I see on tv this morning.๐
Horror Video Game of the Night- DETECTIVE - Rainy night
From watching this, I have seen many horror movies with the same plot as this. Very interesting but I hated that there were no voice acting in this.
4/24 After going to the garage to reorganize and take out my gyaru clothes, I did laundry and sat down to actually draw something. I want to design the banner for my online store. It's so much sh＊t going on down here. These people are sick. Very sick. If you got the means to leave from down here, you better do so. You can't even go to the mall anymore. It was unsafe ever since they closed down the Mall of Cortana. I think it was unsafe before then because of the you know what trafficking. No one wants to admit they're pushing Black folks down South to practically extinct themselves(and any bystanders around). There's like a dark aura around this place, so thick, I can even feel it. When those old, dusty demon portal Black b＊tches who were bothering me these past couple of months, even I could feel that darkness to the point where I had to calm myself down. They want you to react. I won't give it to them. They're demons. Don't stand in Jigoku(Hell)'s way. Let these people go to hell where they come from. This is stirring up even more racial tension and will place more targets on the backs of innocent Black women and children.
I talked to my step sister again, just like last night when I was watching that video game. She's the only person keeping me sane right now.
4/25 I finished reading my book. With the paper bugs in the house, I can't keep books like I used to. I wish I could show you what happened to my book from the early 2000s. The cover looks like it's been hole punched with a hole puncher. No, it was bugs. This is why sometimes, I have to go digital even though I hate glaring at the damn screen for hours.
4/26 I had a dream about my step brother and my Dad. My brother smiled and waved at me as he walked into a school board while I was sitting in the backseat of the car. It felt like I was a child.
This evening, I turned off the lights, had my LED speakers and desktop lights on when I watched Black Phone 2. I haven't watched an American movie in what seems like forever. I just can't seem to get around to watching it. It gave off Nightmare on Elm Street vibes. I can tell that Scott Derrickson loves the 80s. He's becoming one of my favorite directors. Got me wanting to watch 80s horror movies I haven't gotten around to watching. So much stuff I've stopped being into that I need to get back into.
4/27 This morning, I washed my hair. I wasn't feeling too good so I took a nap. Turns out, my freaking period is on! Period and heat don't work for me! Mom told me that she liked my hair. lol I have it straight up like I used to. I didn't feel like using that steam brush right now.
4/29 I had a nightmare last night which caused me to be depressed today. Probably because last night, I went to bed angry over the fact that I do things for people, be there for them and they don't appreciate it. I'm just tired and over it. That's why I try to keep my money in my pocket and focus on what I need to do for myself! These people don't want to evolve and explore other things, or even want to take care of themselves. Just like being in pain both physically and mentally, they act like masochists. If they don't want me to care, then I won't. And I won't feel bad about it. Losing my family members made me realize how lonely I really am. If these people don't want me to be there, then I won't be there.
4/30 Today, Mom and I had to do some running but I was mostly doing the running for her. I didn't mind. I got some samples from Sam's Club.
I became a glutton at Sonic. I couldn't help myself. I hadn't had a burger in a while and thought I'd treat myself. I got some slimming tea I will be using. I can't wait to try it!
And this concludes this blog post for this month. I know, it's late and I'm just publishing it today on May 17th. Just needed a break y'all. If you have found this post of use, feel free to comment, share and submit a donation. Au revoir~✌
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